Last tidbits of 2016

Written last night:

Dear Friends,

For a long while after Clark died I didn’t know what I was eating. Frozen lasagna mostly. Pizza. Fried eggs. And, of course, farmers market fruits and salad. But lately I’ve gotten back to cooking. Common thought is it’s not nice to cook for just one person, but so far I’ve been enjoying it. You make something, eat it tomorrow too and then freeze the rest. Today it was chickpea soup with olive oil and spinach. Tomorrow, whatever I find at the farmers market. It helps that I’m reading a couple books by Anthony Bourdain, a writer who makes me hungry. “I don’t know why I keep reading his books,” the clerk at Barnes and Noble said when I was buying A Cook’s Tour. “I don’t like him on TV, but he’s a great writer.” Remind me never to catch his TV show.  

Zing and I trained each other today. I’m trying to outsmart him, and it’s not working. He looks at me like he knows what I’m up to. He refuses the delectable treats I offer. He’s supposed to get immersed in them and forget that I’m leaving him alone. But he disdains them. I go out into the hall anyway. After a minute I hear Zing breathing on the other side of the door. I don't know if this means he's anxious or just that he's on to me. Zing is training me.

On another note, a couple of days ago I had an air connection in Minneapolis, and noticed a few interesting things about that snowy city:  first, much of Minnesota seemed to be heading to Florida. A horde heading to Fort Myers was giving flight personnel fits. It seems they had too much luggage. Another Minneapolis fact is that two out of the two cashiers who served me at airport shops and restaurants were young women wearing black hijabs. They might have been the Somalis I read about, who have made their home there. Other than their distinctive dress, they were commonplace, helpful and funny. 

And the last — maybe the slightest — thing about Minneapolis is that the airline personnel kept referring to the city as Minnie. As in, “Welcome to Minnie, everyone.” “Hope everyone has a great day in Minnie!"

These tidbits make travel interesting.

Love for the last time in 2016!

k

Miami take-off

Written in the last couple of days:

Dear Friends,

For a couple of days I couldn’t write — travel and jet lag did me in! 

Miami is back in my blood. (This can be a bad thing, I know, but I mean the city invigorated me.)

Where else do you meet an Uber driver who tried to escape Cuba in a small boat — three times!? He said that the first two he and his cousin were caught by police while still in Cuban waters, sent to jail for two weeks, only to try again. 

“Were you scared?” I asked. “Yes, especially at night.” Sharks. 

The third time they got to Elliott Key, in the bay by Miami, and Border Patrol sent them to Immigration. A cousin already in Miami claimed the pair, so my driver was free. Ten years later, he said, he has a wife, two daughters, and a job cutting awnings in a West Palm Beach factory. He takes the two-hour train there and back every day and drives for Uber on the side. 

Where else do you meet a friend (Susan!) who is heart-breakingly aware of Florida's swiftly shifting water level, showing photos of a familiar boat landing that’s swishing water ankle-deep where it should be dry? 

Where else do you get sunshine and brilliant flowers  and music blasting from open car windows -- all of it almost too bright, too alive? 

Miami.

Then Rachel asks what about Zing? How did he fare while I was gone? I feared he might freak out at my week’s absence, and negate all the training we’d been doing. 

Thankfully, Grateful Dog gave Zing a good “report card.” He slept well, ate regularly, and played with other dogs while I was gone, according to their written records. And he seems ready to continue our training, in which he gets treats when I leave him and go out into the hall for a few minutes. I even went downstairs for 10 minutes to let the delivery men in, and the video says Zing whimpered just once. Progress. We're working our way to 40 minutes, which the vets say is usually a turning point.

And that delivery was my daybed: turquoise velvet. Two people in the lobby swooned as it was passing through, and of course I love it too,  as I love anything turquoise. So now you -- yes YOU! -- can visit comfortably. The daybed is twin size, and if there are two of you, one can sleep on the purple couch. You know you’d like it! 

On the way back from Miami I said to myself I'm coming home. Home. Today I wanted nothing more than to settle in again: laundry, groceries, and sweeping the floor.

Love,
k

Sunrise in the sky
Miami take-off

'Twas the day after Christmas

Written last night:

Dear Friends,

On the day after Christmas we slowed down… some of us explored sea creatures at Marjorie Stoneman Douglas park… or we for a long walk … or sat by the canal alone … I uber-ed to Coconut Grove to visit Pam and Joe, dear friends for years (Pam and I started teaching at Carrollton School the same day.) They miss Clark too. Soon another teacher, Nancy, joined us - we did talk about education (What is the proper learning agenda for one-year-olds in daycare?);  meditation for children (Some prefer to comb their hair…)  but so much more too. And Pam had homemade Christmas cookies.

As it got dark, Pam drove me back to Key Biscayne, where the family had pizza on the patio by the canal.

Love,
k

Across the canal

Christmas Day

Written last night:

Dear Friends,

Merry Christmas — the day is almost over. From what I know of each of you, it was peaceful, rich with family tradition and gratitude. I am realizing more and more that my life overflow with good things. Clark’s death has magnified awareness of each moment’s blessing. So it was a good Christmas, and despite longing for Clark to be here, it was a happy one.

The opening of presents had just begun when I woke up, so I quickly joined the fun. The gift I love most is Juliana’s drawing of an owl on my paper stocking. It may become my trademark. I’ll send a photo soon.  

Presents, presents, presents! Paper, ribbon, where’s the trash? What can we save? Does Santa recycle? It was fun.

Later, I met my friend Lesley at the Peacock Café in Coconut Grove; we discussed poetry, dogs, and her recent visit to Havana and her family home of Cienfuegos, Cuba. (Take small steps when dancing the salsa … )

Then an early dinner with Steph’s family at her grandmother Valerie’s — also in the Grove. Laughs again and easy talk. I like them! Then back to Key Biscayne just in time for dinner (!) I passed on spaghetti, joined in for the talk and the wine. We ate by the water; the wind picked up and blew a napkin away. Perfect weather!

You see what I mean — Christmas moments, rich and rare. 

Love,
k

Hibiscus

Miami Merry Christmas!

Written last night:

Dear Friends,

This was the first Christmas Eve without Clark, but he seemed to swim with me this morning, reminding me of all the moments we spent together on or near water. Sailboat and dinghy, gale and calm … we had time enough to share it all. Of course tears tried to take over, but a person can’t cry and swim at the same time. Something about the breathing! So I kept on swimming, as Clark would have it, and a lovely Christmas Eve began.

There was more work to do preparing dinner, but not nearly as much as yesterday. In the afternoon I walked a mile to Starbucks, where I drank my annual peppermint mocha. As I sat at the outdoor table, sketching the roof against the sky, Jay tapped my shoulder and I jumped. He was out getting wine for tonight. It was fun to run into someone I know, even though it was the family member who is my host. It seemed like I am not a stranger on Key Biscayne.

Everyone came, and dinner couldn’t have been better. We ate by candlelight and stars on the back patio, and before dessert we had a gift exchange. Later, we cleaned up the same way we had cooked — all together.

Here’s my recipe for Christmas potatoes, which (I say modestly) are the best! I made 2 1/2 times the recipe because why not? 

Merry Christmas!

Love,

k

Looking up on Christmas Eve

Roof against the sky, Key Biscayne

I guess this is a Christmas card

Written last night:

Dear Friends,

I guess this is a Christmas card. 
Merry Christmas! I don’t suppose you realize how much your kindness has carried me this year. Love to you!

I am so glad I decided to be with family and friends in Miami this season, and can’t imagine why I ever considered otherwise. Thank you all for steering me right again!

The flight over (across the country!) was uneventful. Even though I had two alarms and a friendly wake-up phone call scheduled, I was kind of nervous I’d sleep right through and miss the 6:04 a.m. flight. So Wednesday night I fell sound asleep and then woke up worried every hour, checked the time, and plopped right back to sleep. The 3 a.m. alarms and phone call worked fine. Debbie the uber driver got me to the airport on time, as promised. Shockingly, it was bustling with others who had probably gone through similar rituals, bleary-eyed like me, but ready for take-off. 

The flight was smooth, the food was terrible, and the connections faultless. I changed planes in Phoenix, which many of you know well. That airport is generous with windows, and because I had plenty of time (thanks, Steph!) I walked back and forth from gates A to B two times, just to marvel. Those craggy black mountains! That festering sky!

Miami met me, familiar and new: the not-unpleasant winter humidity and warmth made me shed my sweater pronto; the airport itself seems bigger now and thus easier to navigate — I love its new (?) floor that resembles the beach, with copper-colored sea creatures pressed in; although it was rush hour when Patrick and Steph picked me up, the traffic kept rolling and we got to Key Biscayne quickly.

Since then we’ve been talking, laughing, cooking. There was a cheesecake emergency (solved!) and several runs to the store. Juliana worked on a secret drawing. Cameron caramelized leeks. John prepared the beef. We are pretty much ready for tomorrow's Christmas Eve family party. 

Earlier today I swam in the pool. Old muscle memory clicked — not that I swam fast or sleek —  just plain doing it felt so good. I love how swimming makes my body alive all over, better than running or even dancing. 

This morning was drippy, but soon it turned into a blue-sky, fluffy-cloud, generous Miami day. We are hoping this carries past Christmas. Especially tomorrow, because our celebration is going to be outside by the water.

Wishing you snow or sun or both — whatever you want for Christmas!

Love,
k

Ready for Miami adventure

Written last night:

Dear Friends, 

I am home after an early dinner with new friends at a restaurant around the corner that I never went to before. Now to bed!

The alarm is set for 3 a.m. The other alarm is set for 3:05. One of my dinner friends — Liz — said she'll call me at 3:10 because she and her husband will be up then too; they are flying to Massachusetts early tomorrow.  Right now I’m relaxing on the couch and feel like I could fall asleep here. But I won’t because it’s too far from the the alarm clocks. 

The uber driver just texted me that she’ll be here on time — really, everything seems in place.

And just in case you wondered about those truffles: I gave them (with a Starbucks certificate) to Jacqui, who manages the office here, and asked her to give another plate to the young woman who dusts all the hallways. There in Jacqui’s office was a man who joked,  “Where are mine? Where’s the love??” So I ran upstairs and brought him a little plate. And then I got my hair trimmed, and Marisa the gorgeous hairdresser told me she loves food. “Do you like chocolate?” I asked. She rolled her eyes: “Oh, I live for chocolate!” So a little later I dropped off the last small plate of truffles for Marisa at The Hair Garage. She was on the second floor when she saw me arrive, and she rushed down. “Oh, I was so excited that I almost fell down the stairs!” she said.

If you have a batch of caramel walnut truffles you will not have a hard time giving them away. It was Christmas fun.

I plan to keep in touch with you daily, but if you don’t hear from me it’s because Miami has captivated me — again. 

 Love, 
k

Tree and truffles for Christmas

Written last night:

Dear Friends,

As the holiday approaches I cry for Clark, but I am sure he is happy wherever he is, so I stop. Really, I am sure he is toasting us from beyond. Yay! He can drink and enjoy it. I will toast him back. 

He loved the spirit of Christmas, but he didn’t like the hoopla.  He loved the classical music -- The Messiah and Bach.. And getting me a “perfect gift” for $20. And wondering what I would find for him at the same price. That was the most fun.  Some years were more perfect than others. Last year he gave me a perfect round red clock for the kitchen wall, and I gave him two caps — one said Fargo (where he always threatened to take me) and one with a California bear on it (for our family out here).  Little did we know how symbolic that would become. 

Zing has been showing progress — playing catch with me the last two mornings, like we used to do in Tallahassee, and waiting for me to leave (for a minute or two) while he has a treat. We are getting a little routine going, and I hope it won’t be destroyed by the Christmas disruption. 

Today was full of preparation for going to Miami — packing, and making a few more cards. I used to create pretty complicated cards, but these are simple, and only for family. 

This evening I made truffles for giving. I’m not sure who I’m giving them to. These last few days I’ve been making a list of people I want to thank, and there are so many. Each time I think of one name, another pops up. I am lucky! So far, I’ve been eating the truffles myself. 

Tomorrow is the final holiday touches, and then take-off for Miami at 6:04 a.m. Thursday. I am setting two alarms. 

Love, 
k

My tree has Indian textiles
and gift card mementos

Christmas on my mind

Written last night:

Dear Friends,

Today I did what you probably did: last minute Christmas preparations. First, I arranged a ride to the airport Thursday. Since I’m leaving on the 6:04 a.m. flight, I’ve got to leave here about 
3:45 a.m. As you know, I was going to drive to the airport myself, but through Sandra I’ve contacted an Uber driver who will take me there on time. Yes, on time. Do you detect a little worry? Yes, I’m worried, but I’m going to risk it. Sandra told me this driver, who is a client of hers, is also worried -- that there are too many uber drivers. I guess her work is diminishing.  Enough so she’s willing to drive me at a quarter to 4 in the morning. Pray that her alarm works -- both hers and mine.  (If she doesn’t show up I know the way, and Rosa is ready!)

Then I wrapped presents, made cards, mailed gifts (they’ll be late, but they’re on their way.). The most fun was messing around with paint and glitter for simple cards. 

I worked hard training Zing today. It's like training an athlete … slowly, with consistent progress. He’s not ready to be left alone yet. This might be the greatest challenge I’ve had to my patience. 

About 10:30 a.m. we were driving past the Capitol and saw lots of people converging there. I imagine they had some message for the electoral college, which did its final work today. Then, at 5 p.m. Zing and I were taking a fast walk around the Capitol and we passed TV cameras being set up on the sidewalk. I asked one man what for? and he said to report on the electoral college. “Oh,” I said, “I think I saw a crowd here several hours ago.” He shrugged. I guess they like the view of the Capitol in the setting sun for their timely evening reports. (Forgive my cynicism.)

A little past the TV action, we came upon a woman walking our way, and she said, “Oh, how cute!” Then she looked embarrassed. “Not you,” she said to me. “Your dog.”  OK, OK, Zing, you are cuter than I am!

The woman fussed over Zing and said she hopes to see us — or at least Zing — again.

I hope you’re enjoying your Christmas preparations!

Love,
k

Sacramento Christmas tree

Frosty Sunday

Written last night:

Dear Friends,

It was one of those lovely relaxed Sundays. First thing, a call from Gretchen as I was having my morning coffee. We discussed a million things, from finances to cupcakes. Also the Catholic Church. We agreed we can’t get away from it: we are Catholic. But so many, so many what?? so many disagreements? We can call it that. After that, I went to Mass at St. Francis Church (They don’t accept dogs, so I took Zing to Grateful Dog, which sounds like a church itself, doesn’t it?) Basically, I think G and I agreed the church is not on our wavelength. It doesn’t speak to me as a woman: so many men in charge! and G mentioned the guilt thing: well, that’s enough for today. 

I could have called Sandra to watch Zing: that’s what she said later. It’s so great to be edging into a community! Sandra and her friend Chris stopped by, left her friend’s dog Desi with me and Zing, and they worked out in the gym downstairs. I fell asleep on the purple couch with the 2 dogs on pillows beside me. 

Then Zing and I drove to the airport to get comfortable with the route. I’m heading there on my way to Miami VERY early Thursday morning. For a while I wondered if I ought to go to Miami: I thought I’d be a sad sack; but I am so glad I’m going to be among family this holiday! Turns out, the airport is pretty close to midtown. Seems like it’s in the open spaces, though. The ride was gorgeous, as the night sky was coming on.  

Speaking of weather and sky, on our morning walk Zing and I passed cars with frost on the windshield. It’s cold here!!

Love,

k

Here comes Santa Claus ... and here ... and here ...

Written last night:

Dear Friends,

Capitol Mall is usually vacant on Saturday morning — unless there’s an event (and there are a lot of them — a run, a march, a fair). There hasn’t been much happening since the weather turned cold, so on our morning walk today Zing and I were kind of surprised to see Santa on the otherwise empty mall. Yes, Santa was walking down to the Capitol. No sleigh. No reindeer. In the distance he looked rather lonely. Then another Santa appeared a couple of blocks behind the first one, and on the other side of the mall we saw a two more Santas holding hands, then two young women in red skirts and white boots came skipping by — all heading to the Capitol. The first Santa could have been a dream, but as more and more appeared I began to wonder if there even is a North Pole. The crowd of Santas shook my notions of Christmas. Finally, close to home again, I asked a couple of Santas waiting for the light to turn green what could possibly be happening ...  

“It’s the Santa Fun Run!” said one, whose beard looked rather fake now that I was up close.

Zing and I had to get our coffee and kibble quick or we would have followed up on this. But then, we weren’t dressed in red and neither of us has a beard … we were completely out of place in this crowded North Pole, California style.

After that Zing went to the gym, and when Sandra brought him back she stayed to talk a while. It’s good to be getting to know people out here. Then Zing and I did a few Christmas errands, and toward late afternoon we drove southeast — no, southwest — I get east and west confused because the ocean is in a different direction out here. Anyway, we drove a little past Davis to this farm store Mary Kaye told me about. She indicated that the almonds at Pedrick’s might rival Blue Diamond, so I had to find out. But when I got there I was mesmerized by the fat bags of cashews. I'd never considered what a cashew tree might look like. I still have no idea, but I want to find out. I bought two big bags of cashews, some lemon candy, and a tiny bag of pistachios already shelled. Mary Kay says the pistachio tree is most beautiful. I’ll let you know.

Love,

k

Santas in sneakers

Countryside across from Pedrick's

The gift to be happy

Written last night:

Dear Friends,

Today I realized I am going to be OK, and that is Clark’s Christmas gift to me. 

I was walking home from the Crocker Museum after having lunch there with my new friend Mary Kaye, and I felt happy. Better than that, I felt at home. Then I realized it was all Clark’s doing — I know he expected this of me all along — and I began to cry. But I was still happy.

Things are coming together — no more breaking beds; the appliances are all in order (for now!); the lamps and window shades and pillows and quilts all finally make me feel at home. Before, I feared that every step I took would lead to disaster: I would get evicted, not pass the driver’s license test, lose my purse and keys with no one around to help me. This is just the beginning of a litany of fears. You don’t want me to go on! I guess it was anxiety, the same thing Zing suffered. All along I knew he was echoing me. We may be on our way to having that dependable routine his veterinarians recommend.

Overall, it was a fun day, with friends and family: Sandra coming by to take Zing to the gym, phone talks with Pam and Mona, lunch, a visit to the Blue Diamond Gift Shop,* and ending with pizza with Patrick and Stephanie. 

Love,

k

* That can of Blue Diamond almonds you buy at the grocery comes from Sacramento — it’s a growers’ cooperative with a giant operation about two blocks from Grateful Dog. Lots of nuts grow around here: pistachios, almonds, walnuts, and even some pecans. 

Almond huller from 1909
in the lobby outside the Blue Diamond gift shop