Nov 25, 2016

Cinnamon and chocolate

Written two nights back:

Dear Friends,

Some people I have come to know here — however briefly — have asked me how I’m spending Thanksgiving, and when I say with Patrick and Steph their faces relax. I think they were concerned about my first Thanksgiving without Clark. (Maybe they were worried they might have to ask me to dinner!) These firsts are supposed to be extra hard, but, really, every day is a first and I’ve had a lot of hard by now. I expect to enjoy tomorrow. I hope you do too!

The holiday began this morning, when Gretchen called and we had a long conversation. Thanks, Gretchen!

Then Zing and I headed to UC-Davis for our follow-up appointment with Karen, the behavioral veterinarian. We met Cassi, the dog trainer, there too; she is learning along with us. I was so disappointed the other day, when Zing barked that last hour when I was out to dinner with Keith and Judy. I began to wonder where all this is leading. But Karen reassured me; she said Zing has improved dramatically — way faster than they expected. You know how day-by-day and close-up things can get distorted. Karen was seeing from a larger and more objective view, and I trust her. We went over “advanced” activities for me and Zing. Essentially it’s me moving farther and farther from him, until I open the door and leave and return  — starting with a fleeting time outside in the hall to the ultimate goal of me coming and going with ease. Karen said it might take three months. 

The exercises take time and concentration. I am lucky to be free to do it.  (Zing feels it’s worthwhile for me to get all this training.)

Then I cooked, with a scented candle burning in the kitchen and music on the radio. It was getting dark, so the kitchen felt cozy. I used to cook this way at least once a week, but haven’t since Clark died. It was fun, and the house smelled of cinnamon and chocolate. Not a bad beginning for the holiday!

Love,
k


Thanksgiving apple pie




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