San Francisco with my cousins

Written Friday:

Dear Friends,

There's still tonight in San Francisco, and we're (my cousin Judy and her daughter Christy-- both from LA) going to dinner soon at a restaurant near the Bay Bridge. I haven't been with them long, but they already know about me and bridges, and they selected this spot for me. Not only that, they had a fuzzy owl perched (do owls perch?) on my pillow when I arrived at the Fisherman's Wharf Hyatt Wednesday. Plus, we've been laughing at the same things. 

Here are notes, in case you visit SF, and also for me to remember on my next trip:

Hyatt Fisherman's Wharf. Comfortable and soul-less. Dreary gray nautical theme. I arrived early and tired --  longing for a cozy lobby where I could wait for Judy and Christy: not this one!  Seems like a conference hotel, and indeed Christy is here for a conference. 
Fisherman's Wharf itself. We skipped it. Tourist trap.
Cable car rides -- right around the corner, but didn't have time. I remember loving the ride on a trip here with Clark. 
There's a Starbucks, Trader Joe's, Cost Plus World Market, Safeway Mkt., and Walgreen's a block or so away. Other neighborhood-type services (dry-cleaners, etc.) are nearby. 
Walking just a bit farther:
Pat's Cafe, Mason Street.  Bright and welcoming breakfast and lunch place.  I had a tuna salad sandwich and good cup of coffee for late lunch the day I arrived.  Steady stream of customers.
Cafe Capriccio, Mason Street -- loved having breakfast here 2 days -- simple little place with sidewalk tables too. I had French press coffee and fruit-yogurt-granola, just like at home. Tempting pastries, cheesecake and quiche on display. Wifi. 
Fior d'Italia, Mason Street. We had a delicious, Italian dinner in this restaurant in what is billed as the oldest hotel in SF.  I would definitely return. 
We got a 2-day San Francisco Go-Card for $99.  This let us in museums and on the 21-stop on-off Big Bus tour
California Academy of Sciences. Made me love all flora, fauna, rocks, and rain. There's a fabulous video (no, that's too tame a word!) you can enjoy from reclining seats and focusing on the dome above. Lots more. 
DeYoung Legion of Honor Museum. Stunning building and park location, loads of art. 
San Francisco Museum of Modern Art. Can't rave enough. We missed the Matisse/Diebenkorn show because it was sold out. Should have gotten tickets ahead of time. There's a "chapel" devoted to my favorite artist, Agnes Martin.  Don't ask me why i love her -- she's pared down and has a limited palette, while I'm normally drawn to the messy and the bright. Lots, lots more art, and the biggest museum shop ever.
We made dinner reservations at the museum's In Situ restaurant. But the menu did not tempt us. Seemed pretentious, but that would have been OK if it also sounded delicious. So we decided to eat dessert first because that menu sounded better, but it was not. We finally had dinner at Joe's Crab Shack. Call us plain folks if you must, and judge the place for yourself. In Situ was crowded, so lots must love it. 

Written last night (Saturday):

I’m not afraid of San Francisco anymore! I know I’ll go back soon. 

Judy and Christy were so sweet — I wouldn’t have gone without them. They invited me to join them while they were in the city, where Christy was attending a conference. She’s a doctor in LA, and what I learned from her is to wash my hands. Hot tip! And don’t touch the sink handles after you’ve washed your hands (in a public place, especially). Put a paper towel between you and the handle. Christy didn’t exactly tell me this; I just cunningly observed. Also, use hand sanitizer. 

Having fun in SF with them gave me confidence that I can get around the city, maybe even on my own. As you know, I’ve been kind of frozen and “big girl” stuff has eluded me for awhile. I feel my sea legs, or life legs, returning. 

This time I took Amtrak to Emeryville, and then a bus into SF, and reversed the trip home. It was easy, because the bus and the train act as a unit, so the bus is right there when you get off the train. The whole trip is a couple of hours. The Sacramento Amtrak station is so close to my condo that today I just walked the few blocks, pulling my purple suitcase. It felt good to be back home.

When I walked in and saw Clark’s photo I burst into tears. He would have loved the train. 

Zing and I are going to take it easy tomorrow.

Love,

k

Once you start going up a hill you can't turn back.

That's how I got up here. Turns out it's the top of Russian Hill.

There's a plaque in the little park at the top 

to honor Ina Donna Coolbrith, California's first poet laureate 

If you squint you can see the Golden Gate Bridge

 Above is the old hotel that houses the restaurant Fior d'Italia

I had breakfast here every morning

Bay Bridge view at Epic Steak

Crossing the Bay Bridge, I say goodbye from the bus

Which do you prefer: learning or knowing?

Written Saturday night:

Dear Friends,

Today I experienced that learning is better than knowing -- for me at this time, anyway   I’m glad I still have things to learn. (Duh!) It’s tempting to feel like you have no reason to learn after you retire. Simply, I was glad to walk down to the Crocker Museum this morning and take a class in ways to print on paper and fabric. 

One thing I learned is that I don’t like working with a bunch of people around. That’s a class for you, though: an introduction to techniques you can do on your own. Part of learning is discovering what I don’t like. I’m going back tomorrow. 

Written last night:

Today was gorgeous here. The farmers market seemed a little bigger — getting ready for growing season. I stopped by Mad Dog Olive Oil, where a couple of weeks ago I said to the woman, “This is pretty expensive for olive oil.” I wasn’t about to buy it. But then I did. “You’ll be back for more!” she promised. And today I was. She was so delighted to see me again. 

The blueberries were great. But I remember Tallahassee blueberries, and maybe it’s my imagination, but I think Florida makes better blueberries: which is saying something. (Caroline, I mean yours!)

The rest of the day Zing stayed with Darrius and her cat Romeo (They shared a pillow on the balcony, Darrius told me), while I  went again to the printing workshop at the Crocker. I decided to jump in and have fun and not think whether I would ever do this again. All day long kids peered in from the hallway; they could tell that we adults were having fun!

Love,

k

Sitting in a circle and talking and laughing

Written last night:

Dear Friends, 

It was a lovely dinner, with five people from the building (one was me).  We talked and ate for three hours, telling stories, challenging each other, laughing.  All contributed an hors d’oeuvre and a bottle of wine. (Thanks, Mary, for encouraging me to buy wine glasses! When I washed them after the guests had gone I realized three still had clear stickers on the base, but no one seemed to notice.) I was so glad that the runner for the entry hall came yesterday. It warms up the entrance. And my leek quiche was delicious — I recommend it — just look up leek quiche on New York Times Food. 

Love,

k

Here’s what you see when you open the door.

The bedroom is to the right and that bluish light is from the studio.

I bought the rug to warm up the entry, and there's usually a bench here too, which I removed to make room for my friend who uses a wheelchair  

I stood on a chair to get this view of the living room

Zing is under the bench by the purple couch

Routine in the making

Written last night:

Dear Friends,

Nothing happened today. I am getting a routine — well, not really, but trying out things that might or might not become routine. Today, errands (CVS pharmacist wears a hijab and she has the sunniest disposition. I wrongly thought women in such clothing to be reticent), put together a new sweeper (Thanks for the advice, Rachel! Aside from the directions having no words at all, it’s great!), started a new drawing class at the Crocker Museum, and did prep work for a leek quiche for tomorrow evening. I’m hosting a potluck for friends from the building. Oh, and I didn’t draw my apple right — the top should be flatter, said Faith, my friend the artist.  And the crust for the quiche looks homemade — irregular — but the leeks sautéed sweetly. Tomorrow I’ll put them on the crust with cheese and eggs and cream. No one will care that the crust is imperfect. 

Love,
k

We made quick drawings to illustrate the principles of art, like balance

Music, first and best

Written last night:

Dear Friends,

Today was about money and music. Music first and best. I’ve been missing the Wednesday concerts at the church on 13th Street because of the drawing class. But now that’s over, and I’m back. I gave Zing one of his anti-anxiety pills and walked on down to hear a pianist named Allegra. She played Frescobaldi, Scarlatti, Bartók and Chopin. See how I am tossing around the names of composers? As if I know them? Without knowing them, I love them. They made me relax and exhale deeply. (Exhales slow me down. Of course, inhales are crucial too….)

As for finances — I still have not mastered the simple numbers of my life, so today I started reading every page of every business file that Clark left. I wrote all the pertinent stuff down with colored markers on big newsprint sheets. That is how I took notes in graduate school. It worked today too, but it also found me sobbing — reading Clark’s joyful numbers in his shaky, confident script.

Love,

k

This trio sat in front of me at the concert:

Straight hair, curly hair, ponytail

Dealing with accompanying smell of dog-life

Written last night:

Dear Friends,

Where did the day go? A bit of looking at numbers, then I had fun making a chocolate cake for Patrick’s birthday, then more being hypnotized by numbers, then dinner at Chicago Fire Pizza with Patrick and Steph. It was wonderful to talk with them, and the pizza is so good you’ll all have to try it when you visit. 

Zing has found a dog-sitter named Tony, who lives in our building. I couldn’t let Zing sit on someone else’s couch without a bath. Zing’s hair — like mine — gets prettier when it’s grittier, so he doesn’t need many baths, but after a while there’s an accompanying smell of dog-life. I could have taken his photo in the tub, but he asked me to be respectful please. 

Love,
k

Here's the cake recipe. I got it from Mary. It's easy and delicious.This time I used heavy cream for the frosting and it was better than  ever. Keep it in the refrigerator. 

Mary's Chocolate Cake

1. Bring just to a boil in the microwave 2 sticks unsalted butter, 1 C. water, 4 T. unsweetened cocoa. (I use Ghirardelli.)
2. Mix together 2 C. sugar, 2 C. flour, 1/2 tsp. salt, 1 tsp. soda. Add to cocoa mixture.
3. Add 2 eggs & 3/4 C. sour cream (not lowfat). Don't overbeat.
4. Pour into two greased & floured 8" or 9" cake pans. Bake 30-35 min. at 375°.
5. Cool on raised cake racks & frost. 

Notes: 

1. I rub the butter papers onto the pan, then add a tablespoon or 2 of flour. Tap pan so flour adheres to bottom & sides, then dump extra flour into sink. 
2. I've also used 2 heart-shaped pans: bake for 25 min.; 9" x 13": bake 30 min.; jelly roll pan: bake 20 min. 

Frosting

Melt 1 bag Ghirardelli milk chocolate pieces & a lump of butter (2 to 3 T.) in a glass bowl in microwave. Then put this into mixer bowl & beat it with confectioner's sugar, about a teaspoon of vanilla, & some half & half. If you need a lot of frosting, put in a lot of sugar. If you want a candy bar-like frosting, use less sugar. Add enough cream to make it spreadable. It will harden a bit. I never measure, & it turns out different every time, but always perfect. Use darker chocolate if you like.

Notes: 

1. Put the rounded tops of the cake together. 
2. Don't frost until cool, or your cake will crumble. 
3. I love those cardboard cake circles that you can buy at JoAnn's. They enable you to move the cake to a plate easily.
4. Cut four 2-inch pieces of waxed paper & place them on the four sides of the cardboard circle; then put the first layer down. Frost top & sides. Put the second layer on the first, rounded side down, & frost top & sides with a flourish. Pull out the waxed paper strips & you will have a neat edge, no dribbles of frosting. 
5. Put the beauty on a cake pedestal, maybe on a doily. 
6. And light a candle.

Do you read "real" books?

Written last night:

Dear Friends,

Wandered with Zing on R Street in the rain. This is an art district with old brick buildings not far from where I live. A woman we met on the walk told me that Zing has hair, not fur, and that’s why he doesn’t shed. Oh. Did a little shopping at Arden Mall.  I feel I must get acquainted with all the shops. I bought some bubble bath at L’Occitane, and the clerk noticing I was carrying a book, said she loves to read “real” books, not Kindle versions. “I like the feel of the paper,” she said. “And I’m a little ADHD, so I need to write notes to myself about the book — on the pages.”  I do too.

Love, 

k

Our Lady of Fatima is under lock and key
at St. Elizabeth Church on 12th Street near R Street

The breath of life

Written last night:

Dear Friends,

Happy Easter!

Plans changed and I spent the holiday alone, which isn’t as desolate as it sounds. Clark doesn’t come to me often in dreams, but last night he was there with his arm around me for a long time. With reassurance like that I didn’t feel lonely. You know I love a “do-nothing” Sunday, and it’s easy when it’s gray like today.  I addressed the tax envelopes, first signing in all the right places. After that — nothing! I puttered and then I drew a basket of eggs. At the farmers market yesterday I bought those beautiful blue eggs from the special chickens, but painted these brownish anyway. 

Love,

k

... and here's an Easter-y poem I love:

The breath of life,

The spirit of life,

The word of life,

It flies to you and you and you,

Always the word.

         --Maori, New Zealand

inspired by a Cedric Morris oil

Taxes and Easter-colored houses

Written last night:

Dear Friends,

At the end of today I finished (I hope!) work on taxes — which, luckily for me, was just signing and dating and also writing a check because California has taxes too. After Clark died I had to do many financial tasks, most of them simple. But they all made my heart bump. I feared I would do some big wrong thing and soon Zing and I would be eating out of garbage cans. Thanks to all the help at hand, things have gotten easier, and today when I felt that heart worry, I was able to smile to myself and say, “You can do it.” 

Still, I have a call in to George the accountant to make sure I am signing on the correct line.

Other than that,  today was mild — farmers’ market with Liz and Jody, laundry, groceries, and a continued search for the perfect hallway carpet. 

Don’t look now, but here comes the Easter Bunny!

Love,

k

Here are Midtown Sacramento houses in Easter colors:

Friends fill you like music

Written last night:

Dear Family,

It was an uneventful, windy day. I wrapped up loose ends. I was going to send you a Good Friday poem that I wrote years back, but today I find it sad and untrue. God was speaking and he/she was disappointed (in Jesus, no less!)  I’m not disappointed. I’m happy to be where I am and with you in this way today!

I did make three postcards to send to friends, along with this poem about friendship. It's a favorite of mine.

Love,

k

What are friends for, my mother asks.

A duty undone, visit missed,

casserole unbaked for sick Jane.

Someone has just made her bitter.

Nothing. They are for nothing, friends,

I think. All they do in the end —

they touch you. They fill you like music.

                   —Rosellen Brown

Zing reminds someone of his boyhood dog

Written last night:

Dear Friends, 

Once again, I am so lucky to have you out there --near and far. Thank you!

Today I went to the last drawing class at the Crocker Museum. Part of me didn't like it, because it didn't involve color. Just pencil, chalk, ink. But the other part of me learned a lot.  I really like to draw. I think I'll sign up for the next class. 

... and did any of you realize it's tax time? Oh, you know.  That took some time today. 

Zing has introduced me to some great people on our walks. Today we were passing by the Capitol about 6 p.m. and a man in a nice suit and fancy shoes came walking out, and he gave Zing a friendly, wistful look.  "You like dogs, don't you?" I said. He nodded and then began to tell me about the dog he had when he was a boy and how they were playing in the front yard one day and the dog ran into the street and got hit by a car.  You could tell he still hears the sound of the skidding and swerving, and he said he ran into the street and cradled the dog and he was whimpering and then he died.  This dignified man was almost crying. He said when he looked at Zing he remembered how it is to have a dog and he's thinking he might get another one. He petted Zing and we wished him well. I hope he gets a dog as good as Zing. 

Love,
k

Visitors at the Crocker Museum Wednesday

Still life with old shoes

Picasso did not make applesauce

Written last night:
Dear Friends,

It was a rather uneventful day: I meant to draw all day long. I have this idea that I can devote one day to drawing, one to reading, one to drawing, one to reading, and the rest to fun and chores. That’s not the way it works, of course. I still read the NYTimes every morning, and that can take an hour if I let it. I’ve been exercising at home instead of with a group, as I did in Tallahassee, but it still takes 20-30 minutes. OK, OK, I know that’s not much! Walking Zing is a pleasure of relaxation and discovery that takes maybe an hour a day. I could make the walks shorter, but I don’t want to. Today we saw flowers growing out of the walls of the new Golden One Arena, and then heard little musical splashing pings as the watering system dripped into their soil. It’s really neat to have blossoms growing out of the giant wall and natural water music playing as you walk by.

Sometimes I talk to friends and family and I don’t count the time. I cook at least a little each day (Today I made applesauce and homemade chicken-noodle soup.) And there’s the delightful chore of watching finances, which will someday get easier. 

Those of you who work a full day will say to me YOU ARE LUCKY, and I know I am. And someday soon I will draw all day long. Picasso did, but he didn’t make applesauce.

Love,

k

These photos are at the Golden One Arena a couple of blocks from where I live

Dentist drills, then enjoy the hills

Written last night: 

Dear Friends,

I went to the dentist in Rocklin, 25 minutes away, and to reward myself, after the appointment I kept on driving for an hour more, ending up in Grass Valley with Zing. Finally I feel like exploring — even driving the hills. Until now I just couldn’t make myself do it. I was flattened by losing Clark, and that was one of the symptoms. He must have been astonished I was so backward. 

Rocklin is a far suburb of Sacramento, and then it becomes rolling, hilly, country. I think people in Sacramento consider Grass Valley a getaway, with wine bars and art shops and restaurants. At the center of town there’s a piece of machinery from a gold mill, where gold ore (who has heard of gold ore? It’s dirt with gold in it.) was smashed to extract the good stuff. Zing and I didn’t exactly walk all over town, but it’s so small that it seemed that way. I picked up a meatball sandwich at the Italian deli, and the server told me there’s a significant Italian community in the hills. 

Love,

k

Downtown Grass Valley

So your car doesn't roll down the hill

The tree that ate the house

Pausing from uphill trot

Upward dog: There's a yoga studio at the top of the stairs