The gift to be happy

Written last night:

Dear Friends,

Today I realized I am going to be OK, and that is Clark’s Christmas gift to me. 

I was walking home from the Crocker Museum after having lunch there with my new friend Mary Kaye, and I felt happy. Better than that, I felt at home. Then I realized it was all Clark’s doing — I know he expected this of me all along — and I began to cry. But I was still happy.

Things are coming together — no more breaking beds; the appliances are all in order (for now!); the lamps and window shades and pillows and quilts all finally make me feel at home. Before, I feared that every step I took would lead to disaster: I would get evicted, not pass the driver’s license test, lose my purse and keys with no one around to help me. This is just the beginning of a litany of fears. You don’t want me to go on! I guess it was anxiety, the same thing Zing suffered. All along I knew he was echoing me. We may be on our way to having that dependable routine his veterinarians recommend.

Overall, it was a fun day, with friends and family: Sandra coming by to take Zing to the gym, phone talks with Pam and Mona, lunch, a visit to the Blue Diamond Gift Shop,* and ending with pizza with Patrick and Stephanie. 

Love,

k

* That can of Blue Diamond almonds you buy at the grocery comes from Sacramento — it’s a growers’ cooperative with a giant operation about two blocks from Grateful Dog. Lots of nuts grow around here: pistachios, almonds, walnuts, and even some pecans. 

Almond huller from 1909
in the lobby outside the Blue Diamond gift shop