Tears and cookies

Written last night:

All day today I’ve been sad and sometimes crying. I’m telling you this because maybe it has happened to you. Maybe not. It’s normal, though, I guess. Everyone responds differently to death and other traumas, they say. (I kind of thought I was over this part.)

So tonight I’m baking cookies. Biscotti. They smell delicious. If you need it, here’s the recipe: David Liebovitz’ Cornmeal Biscotti. Cornmeal makes them crunchy rather than hard, as most biscotti are. I substituted California almonds for the walnuts, and I smashed whole nuts with a meat mallet. Nothing is as satisfying as smashing something with a mallet. 

I should never have called Capital City Bank in Tallahassee this morning. For some reason, I cry every time I hang up from them. (The last time I saw my favorite teller at the North Monroe Street branch, he had placed a box of Kleenex on the ledge in front of his window.) But it was essential — clearing up automatic bill-pays in Tallahassee. 

The thing is, you can’t know when the sadness is going to hit; it just does. I think what’s happening is I was acting normal in a kind of numb way and now the numbness is fading and I’m actually feeling loss. I miss Clark. Today it hit me hard that I’ll be living without him. 

But  it was a busy day: The A/C guy was here at about 7 a.m. Now the place cools down right. Oddly, today it was cool enough to go without A/C. You walk along N Street and see a lot of open windows. I also dealt with Wells-Fargo Bank, the plumber (toilets!), found a new dentist (thanks to Mary Kaye), arranged a haircut (I sketched the shop front a few months ago, so I feel connected to it.), updated magazine subscriptions, scheduled a bookshelf delivery, had a massage (I was just 15 minutes late!), went to the grocery…   

If you’ve dealt with online service, you know how long and complex some of these “simple” chores can be. As I was waiting for a magazine response (to change address), I realized that we, the customers, are doing the work. An automated “nice person / maybe with music/ maybe with ads” directs us. How many times have you clicked the wrong button accidentally and had to start a tedious process all over? I love it when an actual human being comes on the phone! This morning an actual banker in Tallahassee spent precious minutes helping me solve a problem. When I thanked him, he said he enjoyed the challenge.

On a food note: I was wondering how good the fish here could be. In Florida — both in Miami and then in Tallahassee  (Love you, Southern Seafood!) we had superb fresh fish. I didn’t expect California to compete. But Saturday I bought fresh sea trout at the farmers market. It’s red, like salmon, but milder and not as fatty. It tastes like fish, not salmon. Yesterday I rubbed it with olive oil and salt and baked it at 425 F for 10 minutes/inch of thickness. It was delicious! Today I had the leftovers with salad. I’ll be checking more varieties of fish, but this first trial is a winner! I don’t remember sea trout in Florida or the Midwest, but if you see one, give it a try!

Ooops! the timer said the cookies are done!

Love,

k

I made an appointment for a haircut with Marisa at Spanish Fly hair garage on J Street