I finally know the secret of the key

Written last night:

Dear Friends,

As Thanksgiving nears, I miss Clark because it was our favorite holiday. Lately, I am beginning to be energized by him, as well. Energized to take it easy, to not worry, to wait awhile. To enjoy. That's what he was always telling me. Thank you, Clark!

So today when I got lost on the way to Arden Mall, I decided to take it easy and not to go to the mall at all. I didn’t really want to, but for a moment it had seemed imperative to buy a pillow to decorate the bed. I did get as far as the parking lot, so now I know the way. 

And, thanks to Clark, this evening I just sat still for 30 minutes. He used to do that, sitting in his leather chair. Thinking. It made me nervous… But earlier this week I read something about breathing in to the count of five and out to six. Today, sitting at the table after dinner, I began counting my breaths, but it was too much trouble. So I just sat. Not thinking.

Speaking of simple things — don’t tell anyone, but this week I learned to turn a key in the lock. Duh! We -- or at least I — rarely used a key in Tallahassee, thanks to the automatic garage door and also our watchful and quiet neighborhood. I kind of forgot how to use a key. This whole time in California I’ve been jiggling around at my front door, acting nonchalant but feeling stupid, taking too much time to get into my own house. I thought the lock was old, uncared for. I bought some black powder you spray into the keyhole to make the thing work, but it didn’t. I felt like an interloper at my own front door. I mean, who can't get into her own place? I’m sure I don’t need to tell you the secret of getting the key out of the lock. It took me a while to discover what everyone else knows. 

These are today’s simple changes that I owe to Clark’s spirit. 

Love,

k

Apples for Thanksgiving pie